Sitting in silence

You sit pondering between the last post and now. All thats happened I really am wondering how. I always have the best intentions to write more and update but I get lost in life.  I guess that means I'm living my life, it certainty isn't  what I thought it would be. Since the last update we welcomed a new life into the family and lost not just a life but a presence that will be impossible to replace. We welcomed a surprise daughter, the one that should have been impossible. A little sister to her big one and another grandaughter, niece and great for many others. She came in with so much fanfare and more nervous than the first. How could we be blessed so much with an impossible birth. Something had to go wrong I swear there was no way it was true. She had all her toes, fingers and faculties too. Perfect little birth maybe just a slight scare, she came in a little blue but in no time she was no longerblacking for air. She started to crawl, sort of like most babies do. Shes our beatuful little girl and the horizon looks blue.

Then nearly a year later the man who is my Dad passed. At a time when we all thought things were doing well and on the rise.  The man that by his count should have been dead many times prior and there were times where it might have been expected. This was not one of those times. I know he is still around, I see him when I'm out for a drive and hear him when I'm thinking about cutting corners on a project. I see my youngest stare at him on the family slideshow the oldest said she missed him. Now we sit in quarantine and I ponder on these things. Why I don't write like I did even these updates which were sparse then. Why the ones we love are so different from thebones others do. What emotion is and how to cope with it. Why I don't tinker and build little things. Too much time on my hands right now and I still dont have the time for so many things. Work consumes and family fills in the rest. Things need improvment, my thoughts need to be cleared. I'd like to hit the reset on this entire first part of the year. Just a little bit further and I'd bring him back, he could improve the missed birthdays, I would really love that.

Since that can't be done I'll continue to mobe forward with life, filling in the hole ever so slightly with additional love on his behalf. Kissing the girls every now and then for him. Teaching them how to hold a pizza properly and change a spare. Dancing with them on the dance floor while  not giving a care who stares. 

Sarah I owe you a post, you've grown so much.  So wonderful and unique I don't even know where I can start. There's plenty of time I hope to come up with the words, to describe how I see you in your small world today.