in a thoughtful mood

A man was designed 

Designed to provide

Designed to forget

Designed to care in a way you don't notice

Designs to love in a way you sometimes need to forgive. 

Designed in a way to ignore the issues

Designed to live in a way that would/could kill

Designed in a way unconditional 

Designed in a way to fear the results

Designed in a way to forgive those horrible thoughts. 

Designed in a way to push boundaries 

Designed in a way to listen to stories 

Designed for daughters

People

People's are people,  we do so many things as humans to fit in. We reserve our words, we choose our arguments.  In the end it's irrelevant.  You'll never convince someone that's adamant that they are wrong, when questioned it's a defense that's we lock down, double down even. What if we're wrong? It is irrelevant, what we believe is what we are. You can't change that, at most we get the little changes in view from the few that learn from others. I sit here by myself,  why am I not woth who's most important? I want to be included, why do I care, it's human. 

The life cycle of Coffee ☕️

We wake up (blessing one). We go through our morning routine, me prior to the coffee. Then I enjoy the pause of the coffee. It's a process, a way to ensure enjoyment. The beans into the grinder, just a scoop. The sounds of pulverization to that perfect mix of fine with a few bigger bloomables. The bubbling of the water as it reaches temp. The folding of the filter and perfect placement into the drip receptor. The flip and tap of the grinder to transport the grounds. The light pour of hot liquid that hydrate the grounds. That first smell, oh that glorious first olfactory sensation, the day has begun. The layering of the water to allow the transfer of godly powers from those ancient fermented beans into the serving receptical.  The drops of hot liquid into the cold cup awaiting the nectar allowing it to rise to temp.

THE POUR, oh the blessed transfer of godly nectar into my cup, not our cup or the shared space, my cup. That first sip. I'm ready for the day, what do you bring for me, I'm ready.

It's that time of year

It's that yearly appointment this week. The one with the full work up on how your blood says you're doing. Middle of this week I find out if I've chemically made progress or just lost some weight and feel better. As you sit in the waiting room to get the lab work done you have plenty of time to think about the worth of all this. Am I healthier because I go yearly to the doctor and do all this? Or am I less motivated to work myself because I know the data points?

Something quick to ponder about. I'll have the results soon.

241

Got so sick, but had some fun

So I've been gone for a bit. Well not all because I wanted to. The part I wanted to was for my daughters 12th birthday we went on an eight day cruise. It was a blast with tons of stuff done in Aruba, Bonaire amd the Dominican Republic we all had a great time. My youngest got a minor bug the last two days no biggie better when we got home. Me however right after getting home had an incident at work where I was on a call well over nineteen hours. Very tiring 😫.  The next day I jad to get on a plan after working from 7am to noon to go for work to Plano. I'm pretty sure I got something more that my littles had because man did I get sick.  Friday for my flight back (only there 3 days) it was Hell. Board the plane get off the plan, slowest baggage ever, sat on the runway an extra 20 minutes after re boarding, just crap. Got home and I don't really remember Saturday or Sunday.  Just started feeling normal yesterday. Anyways after the cruise I was about 268 today 245 but I tell you I broke 239 while sick. now that doesn't count right but back to the grind as of today with easter Sunday.

Thanks

A new month

Still walking along. Mostly protein each day, this weekend was a freebie. Guys night was fun. The main meal was some delishous steak sandwich. it was really just steak on a couple slices of bread. I passed on most of the bread but had to take a bite. The truffle fries were a splurge all 3 pinches of them. Hard to leave as much as I did on the plate but we must. This week mostly hamburger for Breakfast with an egg, hamburger for lunch amd besides some chicken here and there cheese is a nice snack. Feta is pretty good.

current weight 256

A slight change

So I've been trying to make progress, I can say with 100% certainty that protein is not what gives you gas. Some bad breathe maybe but not gas. when I would have a free day on the weekend to enjoy "normal" life I would fart like crazy the next day. This last week I decided only meat is unobtainable for the long term but mostly meat is perfectly acceptable. Lets face it 5 year old me would be like vegetables are gross but 41 year old me enjoys a few. While I stay away from the bread 🍞 as much as possible the Brussel sprouts I likely hated as a youth are fucking delishious. I'm going to try and focus on more calories in vs out still excluding alcohol. I will limit my beer intake during the week because damn I can drink a lot. We only live once as far as we know so I want to enjoy the things I love. Family, Beer, Friends; not every day in that order. 

Work is most days a non stop tunnel of work. Honestly, I could work non stop and never complete the job. You need to set boundaries with certain things and while I'm always committed, walking away for family is a great thing. The wife, my love 💓, has decided today she will resume V shread. Last time she did freaking great, looked great, felt great. It's amazing how quickly we get derailed and dont jump back.

stopping here or I'll go down a rabbit hole.

check in 252lbs. 

Josh 

Who warns you?

No one states in the open what's going to happen here. Lets chat. The first and second day you're going to be hungry as hell, full at some points but still hungry. Gas is going to release from your body, but everything else will seem normal. Drink plenty of water your body is changing. Then day 3, suddenly you go, "well is it a fart?" Double check my friends, it's not. Bowls empty a liquid tar substance. That's only protein remints as your bodies flora adjusts to the low fiber high protein concoction you've been serving it. Glory be to the lords! For the rest of the day you trust nothing! Don't take this wrong, it's not pain but success. Your body hopefully just made the metamorphosis to support us along the remainder of this journey. 

Diet wise, all beef for all meals with just salt is no fun at all. After your 4th burger patty and 3rd steak with salt and a little pepper your eyes and stomach crave excitement. To be fully transparent in this time so far I've had 2 delicious beers and lets say 1 double bourbon each day except the day I had the 2 beers. One of those days was a single per the choice of the bottle being empty and me not wanting to drink the good good stuff.

 

Phone in hand, clothed and post breakfast I'm clocking in at 254.

Energy level on average I go to bed about 2330 and wake around 0530-0600 alarmed and naturally 0700.

I'm finding myself waking about the same but now I'm about ready to wake around 0600.

Also for breakfast I added eggs to the chopped steak we had leftover from last nights dinner. So this week to increase the excitement of both my eyes and belly it will be eggs and steak. Or just eggs and just steak. Man I wish I could have chickens in this neighborhood..

Until the next post,

-Cheers

The specs

For fairness and accountability I've got the numbers as I drive through this current path.

As of today weight 261 lbs. 

As of 10/11 it will be interesting to see these ina couple months

Triglyceride 171 mg/dL

Cholesterol 182 mg/dL

HDL 39 mg/dL

LDL 114 mg/dL

Non HDL 143 mg/dL

Lets do a reset

So I've decided to a reset diet for a week. Beef only. I did Carnivore last year in July for about 3 weeks lost Round 30 lbs but started to get pains in my abdomen. I quick thinking it was my gallbladder. I've since (December) found out it's nerve pain from my lower back so the loss of weight and additional walking I was doing was more likely the cause than the food. Also confirmed by the pain not going away and ultrasounds with my doctors. So for the next fives days I'm doing an all beef reset, try to stay around 1700-2000 calories. This damn thing to keep me accountable.  I'll share soon my recent blood work as a starting point and what I'm doing each week, day, month, honestly whatever I feel like or have time for. lets watch together. My problem is I must have beer, not because I need it but because I love it, everything about it. Brewing is fun and a hobby but I can drink less of it so we'll keep a realistic outlook here.

thanks for tagging along.

Dosen't that look appetizing, not!

2022

This year you need to be careful what you say.  It's likely this post will be used against me in some way.  I've always been one that says give it time to go through the courts, freedoms will win.  The new rules are happening so fast it seems the courts can't keep up (normally I would think thats a good thing, Show thoughtful decisions).  Public opion (mob mentality) is driven by a twenty-four hour news deluge of whatever rating upping buzzword is triggering a vocal part of the county. The echo chambers of friend canceling individuals fueling the fires of the mob. When you hear or see people that disagree with you we no longer shake their hands and talk, we walk away or yell and demand. We have our jobs telling us what we should put into our bodies because the government is trying to force them to (stuff still in court on this). Our congress is able to buy stocks in a "free market" with no chance of insider trading charges but I have to ask approval because there could, unlikely, be the illusion of insider trading. To get an account for my wife and kids properly I need to jump through hoops. Most states are shutdown (ours was for comparatively a short time) and doing just as bad as the ones who arent. Numbers are fuzzy, is it died of the virus or with the virus or someone sneezed. The worse part of all of it is the loss of trust. You can no longer trust anyone for the truth. I mean flat earth is a real thing these days. I'm off the mindset every generation has its end of the world scenario, I don't think this is ours but if people don't wake up soon for themselves it may become the catalyst. 

Everything is great

Every morning I wake up is a great day.  Life is a great thing.  Reality is we don't know how much of it is left.  The last year I've decided to approach everyday as a great day and give it no other choice. It's worked, I'm in a good place, my family is in a good place. Can always be better but why dwell on that.  Think im the busiest I've been in years.  Seriously years. 

My unsolicited advice is wake up happy, or at least wake up with the intention to be happy. 

Sitting in silence

You sit pondering between the last post and now. All thats happened I really am wondering how. I always have the best intentions to write more and update but I get lost in life.  I guess that means I'm living my life, it certainty isn't  what I thought it would be. Since the last update we welcomed a new life into the family and lost not just a life but a presence that will be impossible to replace. We welcomed a surprise daughter, the one that should have been impossible. A little sister to her big one and another grandaughter, niece and great for many others. She came in with so much fanfare and more nervous than the first. How could we be blessed so much with an impossible birth. Something had to go wrong I swear there was no way it was true. She had all her toes, fingers and faculties too. Perfect little birth maybe just a slight scare, she came in a little blue but in no time she was no longerblacking for air. She started to crawl, sort of like most babies do. Shes our beatuful little girl and the horizon looks blue.

Then nearly a year later the man who is my Dad passed. At a time when we all thought things were doing well and on the rise.  The man that by his count should have been dead many times prior and there were times where it might have been expected. This was not one of those times. I know he is still around, I see him when I'm out for a drive and hear him when I'm thinking about cutting corners on a project. I see my youngest stare at him on the family slideshow the oldest said she missed him. Now we sit in quarantine and I ponder on these things. Why I don't write like I did even these updates which were sparse then. Why the ones we love are so different from thebones others do. What emotion is and how to cope with it. Why I don't tinker and build little things. Too much time on my hands right now and I still dont have the time for so many things. Work consumes and family fills in the rest. Things need improvment, my thoughts need to be cleared. I'd like to hit the reset on this entire first part of the year. Just a little bit further and I'd bring him back, he could improve the missed birthdays, I would really love that.

Since that can't be done I'll continue to mobe forward with life, filling in the hole ever so slightly with additional love on his behalf. Kissing the girls every now and then for him. Teaching them how to hold a pizza properly and change a spare. Dancing with them on the dance floor while  not giving a care who stares. 

Sarah I owe you a post, you've grown so much.  So wonderful and unique I don't even know where I can start. There's plenty of time I hope to come up with the words, to describe how I see you in your small world today. 

Shh

Something, something still alive. Not being very good at this. So many new things so many exciting things.

A bit of a Flood and other stuff

So Late last year we had a bit of a flood from an RO system under the kitchen sink. This made some stuff a bit fun towards the end of the year. Some other things happened in December to pull me out of the pocket of being able to get things done on top of the flooding. So needless to say the house is suffering just a bit. Insurance decided to play the slow game and make the bank need to endorse the check to protect "their investment", well that made me miss the sale I was going to use to get the cabinets in almost immediately. We can talk about how I feel it's the banks investment later... Either way the money has now been sitting in an account waiting to be used and the other day we finally found a deal on cabinets that is closer to the allotted amount insurance has given. It's off a ton but that was expected and we decided to make some improvements while doing it to add even a bit more. So now I have cabinets in the garage and started the install process.

So with all that fun I've just started a new job the end of February. So far it's going well, there were some hiccups and surprises but where isn't there? All in all it stops me from traveling and the is some future possibilities for excitement and even more opportunity. It ought be a great time. 

With the new fun comes the shock that my little girl has just turned 6. She's lost her first two teeth and grows more amazing each day. She can understand and sound out what we're spelling now! Now we have to spell code words for different things, like jungle gym if we want to talk about going to the park and not make her fully aware. Not only that you have to change the code words up so she didn't catch on. Might be using old movie references soon.

It's amazing to watch her read. She's reading at a first grade level which puts her only a little bit above where she should be. She's willing to try the harder books so that's an awesome thing to see. She's going to be a daddy hating teenager in no time.

As usual sorry for the lack of posting I've been letting other priorities get in the way as usual. I'd say I'll change that but we all know the truth. Hug somebody today.

2016 - A year to make things fun

This year has been the year of doing. Doing around the house and the most fun doing outside of the house. We've been a few places and have plans to go to others but the around the house stuff has been the most fun. A few builds of things like a door i owed my wife for I don't know the last five years or so and several little festivals that were cheap to free but loads of fun for the little girl.  This is the way life should be, minor to major concerns ignored in the background but family and doing put first over the other things that really don't mean much. This last couple weeks I've been working on taking the three aquariums we have and merging them into a single Freshwater tank of about 120 gallons. To do this I had one plan but both impatience, excitement and dollars are stopping me form pursuing the initial plan. So I'm changing it up a bit, a more simplified split tank than I originally envisioned but sometimes skill level and dollar amount change the plan, this is life.

The current Idea is taking the 120 gallon aquarium and spiting it into two, one about 30 gallons and the other well 90-ish. This has been done with a small piece of plex with many 1/4" holes drilled through it. Thinking the one side will have feeders and plants mostly I want an occasional fish to find its way through the holes and randomly feed the main tank. That portion is set up and cycling the tank. This tank is huge, I mean for my living space it is giant. I set it about 4 1/2 inches off the wall which is more than normal for any tank I know. I have it up on a mat with holes, the rubber ones used in garages for work areas or restaurant kitchens, I figure this will allow any minor water to evaporate off the wood floors underneath. It has a sump with an overflow box, this isn't my first choice but I can not drill the tank, issue is the overflow is 4 3/4" thick, so I can not put it behind the tank. I also made the mistake of not water testing the overflow before installing it on the side, well Learned that lesson as it dripped, I was obviously watching it to check for leaks but still upsetting since it was a used tank, I just assumed. Another reason to double check others work. I replaced the bulk heads that were causing the leak and now besides some minor tightening the sump is working well. Just used some CPVC and a couple hose connectors to bring it back into the tank.

I have a bunch of round pond stone and coral stone for the layout currently but do not think I'm going to permanently use either. Maybe the coral because it is more holey than than the pond round stones and more of a white color for the look i think I'm going to go for. Right now the 30 side has black substrate and is planted with some of the plants and a piece of drift wood I had in the old tank. Some Corey's and feeders are swimming happily in there with a few ghost shrimp cycling the overall tank. The 90 side will have Africans, not sure 100% on what type but I'm leaning towards Malawi Peacock's.  Well more to come as the ideas and time to write stuff up appears. Cycle cycle cycle..
Thanks,

Crazy times

I keep reading this caused the shooting that caused the shooting. Most everyone is saying it's the guns fault or the religions fault. No one is focusing on the surroundings of the person. This person could not of been loved. We know he wasn't loved like the people in the club. Those people are loved, there to find love and sharing the love they had. Even if it was the love of a song, a dance or that drink and conversation. The shooter had none of that. No one rushed to save "its" life, the first thoughts of the first responders weren't who's shooting it was how do we get those people out. The first thoughts of the good guys with guns were, how do we get those people out. Those people, not the shooter. The second thought was how do we stop that thing. Not that human, not that person not even that animal. They had no word to describe the thing killing the people, the humans, their friend's, their family the ones they loved. People save other people for love. You don't need to know someone to love them. You look and unconsciously say you are like me a human, I love you. It's not the same love as you have for your child or a spouse but it's still love.
People inherently love, we don't even know it's love most times. You look at a sunset and you say it's beautiful or I'd love to be there. You take a deep breath of fresh air and you think I love this. We love everything wonderful around us.
This "thing" had no love. He had a wife sure but apparently there was no love there, he had a family but no love there. He had an idea an idea of hate he confused with love. You can not have hate and love. I have no love for this thing, he lost that the moment he lost his humanity. It is a shame because before he became a thing maybe there could have been love. I wish he would have had enough love to have stopped; before people who now have to grieve for the love they lost.

I love you all.

2016 Starts the year off right

Riley is 5 and we've signed her up for school. Shes 5 and we've signed her up for school. I repeated that because I still can believe it. Shes at that point in life where she wants to be lifted up still but my body is saying my goodness girl you are getting big. She is a little person, well she's always been a little person but now she is truly her own little person. She loves dance, gymnastic and soccer. If asked which one do you like least or which one would you give up if we couldn't do them all she says "I like all of them". So hopefully with that I stay employed for all of time, being in tech you know how it can be, because I need to afford all three. Dare we introduce her into anything else?
She is starting to read little by little and we find her trying it on her own from time to time, which is always encouraging. She loves to watch videos about everything, some great like plant growth and to hear a little girl say the word photosynthesis in a sentence is amazing. Absolutely loves the planets and I hope will pursue a carrier where she helps us leave this planet one day so I can live vicariously through her. It's on the list of about 5 things she wants to become so we shall see how she grows into it. Really just wanted to pop up a little blurb of something and will pop up some more another day. I feel excitement coming. 

Family vacation

Oh the fun, the joys, the vacation you need after you take a family vacation.... Just took our daughter to the Mouse World in Orlando this week. We purchased the four day passes and used three of the days at the parks. Disney is spectacular they really go out of their way to make it special for the kids and family. Don't get me wrong you pay for it but besides food, parking and twelve dollar balloons it's worth it. They truly are the best at making you believe magic is real.

Bottom line is we had a great time and will enjoy using day four at some point this year. The girl was in shock at every character meeting and I have no doubt that was her favorite part. Worth every quarter to see her faces. We will be back one more time this year and then maybe in a couple after that. Sorry for all the friends who say get passes, I don't want Disney to become a regular thing. I want it to remain special and be a memory not a story in school that starts with well I've meet Mickey Mouse 40 times this year. I think that brings the magic down a notch.

Memories are made special because you remember them, not because you experience them again.

Just my thoughts.

The rework

I'm in the process of reworking my web page into this new format. Don't be surprised if you see a few changes and things flip flopping a bit. I'm as always trying to become more active on all of this but the single format people tend to stick to doesn't work with the way I think. I love the multiple things at any single time. Managing twenty blogs isn't practical with life and work. So that's it for this post just know everything is merging into this blogger format and check out AJBrew.com the little hobby a buddy and I started a while back that's very enjoyable. Also I've got a fish tank idea for the cichlid tank, something I think will make them feel a bit more at home.

Josh